i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
