Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
