you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
