pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
