hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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