well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
