He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
