Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
