Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
