I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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