Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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