You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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