Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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