Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it hurts more in the daytime
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
