i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
