Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
