Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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