im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
