You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
