I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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