I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
