how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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