dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my being single is dangerous.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
