My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
