he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
