I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
