I'm lost and stupid without you.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
