I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
