Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
