Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
