The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
