Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
