are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
