I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
