A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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