im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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