WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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