How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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