I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
