I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize