i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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