The maid of honor just puked.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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