I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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