Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
