Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
