Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
