it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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