So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
