the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
