Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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