I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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