I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
