I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
