Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
