I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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