FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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