it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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