I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
