Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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