You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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