2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
