The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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