Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Houston, we have a blender
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
