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In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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