let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
